Seeking Happiness

Somedays I take a little more time than usual to think about the whys and wherefores of life... The last few days have been like that. Mostly I notice that people seem to equate the meaning of life with happiness. I could go with that. I'd take happiness. But darn it all, how to get there and stay there is a mystery to me.

Being a woman, with woman friends and sisters, I have had a lot of experience with moods. I am now almost 30 and am just starting to figure out that the world isn't really ending once a month, nor it is a realistic barometer of reality when I feel that everything is super fantastic... It's a mood. And as good as I sometimes feel, not only can I not use my mood as an indicator of how truly happy I am, more importantly since I am pretty lousy at controlling my moodiness/crankiness, I can't rely on moods or emotions to make me truly happy.

So how can I be happy? The kind of happiness that hormones and dirty dishes and sleepless nights can't destroy? Basically the problem is this:

1. We want to be happy.
2. We want to do what what gives us pleasure.
3. We think those things that we WANT to do will make us happy.
4. So we indulge in those things.
5. And we aren't happy.

I notice that drinking alcohol makes me happy sometimes. Yet I have not found the perfect serving or combination and usually overdo it and wake up the next morning decidedly UNhappy.
I notice I like to sleep in. Yet there seems to be no perfect amount of "sleeping in" time. If I am not up before my children, I pay for it. If somehow I get to stay in bed until 9 or get to take a 2 hour nap in the afternoon--totally indulging my desires for sleepingness--I usually have a headache and maybe even a sense of opportunity loss that pretty much axes "sleeping in" as the path to happiness. (This would be why laying on the couch all day doesn't make the cut, either).

Oh, I could go on and on.. Chocolate, interesting beverages, any food at all, talking on the phone, reading books, surfing the internet, watching movies--all areas where you can raise those "seratonin" levels that I hear about. But darn it, I want to be happy, and I think that indulging myself in the things I want to do will make it so... But that indulgence seems to be the greatest saboteur of happiness.

So why indulge? If I feel like crap afterward, I definitely did not reach my goal of being happy, unless momentary pleasure (even though repeated 100x over) = happiness for me.

Hmm.

Well, last summer I had about a month where I would get up every morning at 5 am to pray for an hour before getting the girls up to go to Mass. I got a super great feeling from doing that. I had a journal and could see so clearly how God was working in my life--and before long I had filled a journal and God had blessed me with some pretty awesome spiritual growth and joy in my house... But alas, after about a month, I was getting cranky (I don't do all that well with tired), and although for 7 years my husband had lamented marrying such a lazy bones, I did not get the proud approval I expected, instead I got grunts and side complaints about being awakened so early each morning.

The case study gets interesting when I look at how I responded: did I cut back to going to Mass once a week? Getting up at 6:30 or 7 and pray for a half hour? Nope, I had a severe case of pendulus swingus and began to drag myself out of bed shortly after my husband went to work at 8. WHAT?! a 3 hour swing?! Shouldn't 7 be a piece of cake after the pre-dawn madness?

Well it wasn't, and why? Because 7 in the morning is not glamorous. It is not early enough to be impressive. It is not indulging in anything. For me, getting up at 7 everday is simply discipline. It is moderation and discipline. Two of the key ingredients for being happy that I decidedly lack.

My husband has graciously (and not so graciously) offered at times to supplement my lack of discipline with some of his, and as much as he tries we have discovered that this also is NOT the key to marital bliss. While sometimes his high standards are helpful, what I really need is self-motivation and self-discipline.

So, what have I discovered through this lengthy search into the meaning of life and the true path to happiness? Happiness is HARD. It's not automatic, swinging from one whim to another and indulging passions. It is the result of knowing when to go for it and when to stop. It is exercising, but not too much. Praying daily, but not so much that other duties get left in the dust. It is playing like a kid with my kids, for a little while each day. Posting short, readable posts every few days instead of a book once a month. It is balance.

The best candidate for a pendulum is heavy, dead weight. But to achieve balance when being pushed and pulled takes muscle, discipline, and maturity. It takes a certain strength to do the right thing at the right time for the right reason. I've heard it said, "The saints are happier in their sufferings than all the heathens in their sinful pleasures." I have figured out for myself that going wherever my passions take me only leads me back to where I started: searching for happiness. But really, the happiness is only elusive because I have refused to work for it, to suffer for it. To find that happy, lasting equlibrium, I am going to have to really try. And with His grace, I just may get there.

Late Last Night While We Were All In Bed

Matt was hogging the computer. Tonight it is my turn. After successfully increasing my tax return by over $1000 this week, I am feeling understandably perky. Nothing underhanded at all, just working with the new tax laws (50% bonus depreciation, YEAH!) and calculating ALL of the interest paid on this monster house. Yikes! I did increase our tax liability slightly when I remembered the whopping $30 I was paid last year for jury duty. Matt says I am a tax nerd.

Our first official showing tomorrow was cancelled due to a death in the appointment holder's family. SO, we get to put my dad's advice into practice right away: don't let house traffic (or lack of) control your emotions. Right-o, Dad.. I let tax returns do that.

Funny kid story of the day: After having so many children, we realized that we need to be specific in discipline. Saying Stop or No or Put That Down is not near as effective as singling out the particular offending child. While it has worked brilliantly at squelching undesired behavior, we have discovered the flaw in this method. Our littlest one was getting quite possessive and whenever we would try to take something (like not-for-baby objects) she would yell: "WE-UH!" I figured this was her way of saying mine, however this week we figured out that she says "We-uh" instead of "no." Our poor little Leah has been trained to think her name means "NO!"

So if anyone hasn't checked out my sister's blog, here it is: http://www.redheadedrampage3.blogspot.com/. I am feeling seriously inferior to her blog, since she's hilarious. Plus I think Tim gives her more fodder.

Goo Gone

Ok, so after about 7 months of looking at window stickers, I finally decided that today was the day for them to be gone. Now this is not the easiest of jobs because window manufacturers really want you to know who made your windows, at least I am guessing that is why they use so many stickers on each window and use superglue to adhere them. All of this just means that I spent a lot of time this morning looking at my windows which I decided are filthy. Work makes work.

Now that I am a full-service real estate agent, I have been keeping quite busy. We listed the house today here: www.HomesByOwner.com/31549, put an ad in the DSM Register online, and we are also paying for a listing on the MLS. I am confident (for some reason) that if people could just see our house, they'd want to buy it. To that end, I have trained my little mini-agents to regard toys and clothes on the floor, unmade beds, and open closet doors as Mortal Enemy #1. No wonder Matt is so happy.

Speaking of my darling husband, Matt is officially a busy man. I got a call from a friend today who saw the classified ad I placed on our homeschooling group's website (more free home advertising!), and she has lots of work for Matt to do before her daughter's wedding, if he has time! I guess having 4 different construction/remodeling jobs lined up in the next 2-3 weeks is a good sign. He's concerned about having time to look for work, but I say as long as the work is looking for you, go with it!

On a family note, we're enjoying watching the series "5 Mile Creek" that we are borrowing through the Netflix gift Matt's parents gave us for Christmas. I have fond memories from my childhood of waiting pensively for the next one to come out on video and the whole family would sit and watch it. The girls love it, and if I could have found my camera in time I'd have posted a picture of Bethany driving the horses (Madeleine and Emma) this morning, complete with "Hi-ya!" and robe ties as reigns.

It's time to get to work. Windows don't clean themselves.

So We Begin

Actually, we really began over 2 years ago. I maybe should have called this blog "family crazy," because it is certain that many of our close friends and relations were convinced we had lost our minds when we put our lovely 4 bedroom home in Ankeny up for sale without a clue as to where we would move. When our FSBO house sold in that saturated market in 3 weeks, we were pretty certain that this "crazy" phase was not just our plan, but God's as well.

We ended up in a 3BR duplex 1 month before our 4th daughter was born. As a month or two went by, we caught another wild hare--I guess that's what we'd call my uncle--who gave us the idea to achieve our dream of building a "green" home using unconventional building techniques by first trying our hand at general contracting a normal house. So, last winter and spring we spent our free time being busy building this house with the help and guidance of a local builder and now good friend, Bob.

It's a gorgeous home, if I do say so myself, and nicer than any house I ever thought I would live in. But we just live here for now. It's kind of like how we just live here--on earth--for now. When the Lord says it's time to move on, we know we must move on. Fiat.

Well, it has now been 9 days since Matt was "reduced" at his old job. I am not terribly excited about the expression, since he is already much shorter than I, but all in all, being jobless has so far been more enjoyable than I would have expected. After a party this weekend (hey, who doesn't throw a party when they get laid off??), we have put most of our mental energy into getting the house ready to sell.

Luckily, being jobless means you have a bit more time to do those things that never get finished when you move in a new house before it is quite done. So yesterday, Matt was laying on the floor, filling nail holes in the trim and finally hooking all of the cable and phone lines up (we don't use cable or a landline, so this was not a priority), and I was decorating. I actually feel bad for our poor little girls that their Spartan parents left their rooms so drab for so long. Just using things we had packed away in boxes to simply decorate their rooms has made a wonderful difference that they are very excited about. (Personal note here about my discovery of the secret to happiness: low expectations).

The main struggle with all of this is to remain faithful to our family fiat. "Let it be done unto us according to Your Will, Lord." Even with this past two years being led firmly down an unusual path by God's Providence, it is a daily decision to trust that we are not foundering in the midst of a vast ocean where we will soon be devoured by sharks and become an embarrassment to all who know us. You know, for example.

So yesterday we placed our home for sale on the web, and now, we continue to clean and wait. As for me, I've been waiting for 29 years for my adventure to come, and I finally feel that we have reached the top of a long climb and the real ride on this roller coaster is about to begin. Let it be done unto me, Lord. I am your servant.