Mercy Mercy Mercy

Some random thoughts on suffering, mercy, forgiveness, and being flawed.

• The saints still had joy, even when being persecuted. I think this is because they didn't sit and think about how they were feeling due to someone else's action, but how the other person was feeling--even if the other person was being a jerk. This has always been hard for me, as I have been trained to think of whether I am being appreciated, or whether I am being treated right. I had a rough time with someone who is very close to me. I spent a half an hour helping this person, and when we finished, the person just walked away, still as bitter and angry as before we started. I thought, "Jesus, help me. This person is hurting me so much. I just spent this time being so kind and trying so hard, and I didn't even get to hear a thank you." Jesus smiled at me as I watched the person walk away, and I heard him say: "This is true, but hear it from me: Thank you for serving me through this person."
• This must be how the saints can do it: Jesus' thanks is worth more than the most grateful friend, and somehow it is better to serve an ungrateful person, because then we can only be doing the good thing for Jesus-since we are not repaid, even by gratitude.
• I've had a few conversations with friends this week about forgiveness, and how forgiveness is not FOR the other person. Letting it go, giving up your right to be angry, and never demanding your right to be apologized to is not something we do FOR someone else, but something for ourselves. If someone else holds the power to make me unhappy until THEY apologize or make up for what they did, I am not free! So forgiveness is really the way that I release myself from bondage to bad feeelings. "You did a terrible thing, but I forgive you."
• Mercy builds relationships, sometimes. I just said that forgiveness is for me more than it is for someone else, but really, it is also a gift to another person. When someone does something terrible and I forgive him or her, that person received a gift of mercy where he or she rightfully deserved wrath. That gift can make another person a better person, if they accept that they did something evil and have been granted mercy for it.
• Forgiveness without apology first mirrors God's relationship to us. When Jesus died on the cross, his death obtained the forgiveness of every sin that was ever committed and every sin that will ever be committed. God doesn't hold grudges. But, the same as with our relationships with each other, just because I forgive you doesn't mean that our relationship is repaired and reconcilied. In order for that to happen, especially in the case of something BIG, it is required that another person ask forgiveness and do his or her best to make up for what he or she did. But, and this is an important realization for me: my peace cannot be subject to another person's decision to be (or not to be) sorry.
• And the last thought for the day: If I cannot forgive, I cannot be forgiven. Jesus taught his disciples to pray by saying to God, Our Father: "Forgive us, as we forgive others." I know I don't deserve to be forgiven: "If you O Lord, mark iniquities, who could stand?" But I know that I do things to my friends that hurt them, even if I feel that they hurt me way more. My God has never done anything evil to me, and I can't say to him: I grant you mercy, so you must grant it to me. He deserves perfection from me, and I fail! In sheer gratitude for the mercy I have been shown, I may not demand perfection or even restitution from others... But it's so hard!!!!!!!!

Lord, give us the strength to live with forgiveness of spirit, merciful hearts, and humility, that we may live with JOY, PEACE, and HAPPINESS in our difficult lives. AMEN.

What our days sometimes are like...

We decided to take a few days off of math because Bethany has a new love: Chess. She doesn't really love playing whole games, yet, but likes playing "Capture the King" when most of Daddy's pieces are taken away. I didn't snap a picture when Daddy was playing her, but Emma took these pictures for us.

In the following picture, Mommy survived the onslaught of her King and Queen by achieving a stalemate. It was close, though!!!

Today, Bethany and Emma set up the pieces and started playing with each other. This picture was taken about 5 moves before checkmate. Bethany won.. If she keeps practicing, I think I am going to get smoked very soon.

This is a picture of my new store: "Mommy's Market." It is open on Friday afternoons and the girls can buy candy or toys or art supplies if they want to. They earn money by doing extra school work, helping out without being asked, and just by being exceptionally good family members. They don't get paid for any minimum expectations (like cleaning out the dishwasher and doing their regular schoolwork), but I give them 10 cents for the 2nd math or phonics page of the day, and 20 cents if they do a third page. I give them 10 cents for picking up without being asked, and 5 cents if I have to ask, but they do it with a good and happy heart.

When they have their items picked out, they have to fill out their own receipts and figure out if I owe them any change or if they have enough money to buy their items. I got this idea from my supervising teacher and best bud, Maureen!

So that's our life. Sometimes it's hard to think about all of the positives, because so many negatives bog us down.. As my friend over at Very Blessed Mommy says, blogs show the highlights of our lives. Sometimes it's nice to remember they are there, and sometimes it's nice to remember that we MAKE our own highlights. Sometimes I forget to do that, but today was a good day and I wanted to share it. God Bless!

De Profundis

Far deep down inside my soul,
Down to where I seldom go-
There is a longing, soft, but strong,
Hope is calling Hope along.

"Come to me, come deep inside
your inmost soul where I reside.
The love I've given, strong and true,
My Love is calling Love in you."

I'm still not sure just where to go
to find the center of my soul-
Listen soft and listen still--
Divine calling Will to will.

With stumbled steps I heed Your voice,

Approaching You, we both rejoice.

My eyes don't see, but still I know,

Light is calling light to grow.

"Fathom depths inside of you,
and find your Lord is in there, too."
From the depths I cry to Thee,
For Deep is calling deep in me.

I Am Not Above Bribery

Sure, I would admit that my children probably watch too many movies. I could probably admit that I watch too many movies.. But hey. I am not above Bribery:

Oh, you want to watch a movie? I'm going to need a report. Choose a character from the movie you want to watch and write about his virtue (what did he do that was virtuous--or good and noble?) You can work together, but you can't watch the movie until I get a report.

See? Now it's "educational." ;)

HABIB

Keith, my brother in law, has renamed my future brother-in-law, Jesse. Leah has really latched on to it, and, though she knows him to be Jesse, believes he has two names. Anywho, introducing my soon-to-be brother-in-law: HABIB.

Lady Contractor

One day, several years ago, my husband and I were in the midst of a remodel of our home (3 residences ago) and I was making yet another stop at my favorite store: the Habitat for Humanity RE-Store. I love that place, because I feel like I am such a good steward, putting someone else's mistake to good use. Anyway, I was wandering around the tile department, when a older gentleman in a contractor jacket came up to me and said, "Hey, are you that lady contractor?"

I found it pretty funny at the time, but last Friday after I spent an entire day with oil based paint and grungy clothes, I could not find enough energy (or abrasive soap) to get the paint off of my hands in time for a costume party. I was very relieved to come up with the brilliant idea of going as a Lady Contractor. So I grabbed some "tape" and a hammer, donned my grubby paint jeans and hooded sweatshirt, and I was ready.

When I arrived, I got a great response. One person was especially impressed by my attention to detail--putting splatters of white paint all over my hands. "Perfect!" one person said, "That costume is perfect for you!"

Now. Wait one second. I looked around at the other ladies at the party. Two were dressed as beauty queens, one as a butterfly (in high heels) and one as a ladybug, (and one as a very believable pregnant lady). I definitely was not going the cute angle that night, that's for sure, but does that mean that I am the perfect lady contractor!?! I could have been a beauty queen! Really!!

Ah well, if I had donned my bridesmaid's dress from my sister's wedding, two things probably would have happened: 1) I would have had to take it off again because it is too small now and 2)my "manicure" would have led to immediate disqualification from any beauty queen believability.

Perhaps I was the perfect lady contractor that night. I actually do love the work I do when I get to remodel and build. I know some wives who have really grown to love football, and maybe that is what has happened to me. My husband's love for construction and remodeling has rubbed off on me--and with our dreams of homesteading and strawbale construction still looming, perhaps it is "perfect" for us to be a contractor team. :)

The Age of Stickers and Forts

I will not always live in a house that has 1 or 2 nomadic tents/forts set up around my house at any given time.

Nor will a common sight be stickers and temporary tatoos...on my husband's hands, cheeks, and head. I count 6 stickers on me right now.. But they still have several more to go through. Surely we should ration the stickers, though I am sure that they must reproduce because I only know of one time that I ever bought them and that was 4 years ago.

Oh.. Now I have sticker earings.. So that's 8.