Going to the Desert

I am going to the desert

to sit with God alone.
I will not take my IPOD,
my laptop, or my phone.

I am going to the desert
with no favorite food or drink.
I'm going there to listen
to the silence and to think.

I am going to the desert
because I hear the voice
crying in my wilderness:
"It's time to make the choice...

To straighten out your crooked heart,
Fill dark valleys in your soul,
Tear down pride's mountains and prepare
a highway for the LORD."

So as the Spirit drives me--
to the desert I will go.
The things I substitute for God
will not be going, though.

I'm asking to be emptied
of all I love instead,
then to come back full of Life--
WORD Incarnate Fed.

Pray for me, my friends, and I
will surely pray for you.
I'm going to the desert as
my LORD called me to do.

The Butterfly Circus

I tried to embed a film for you all, but a link will have to do.. I'd recommend loading the page and pressing pause until it is mostly loaded. It's a 20 minute film that is deeper and richer than most full-length ones that are really trying.

It is worth the effort and worth the wait.. I watched it with my children. We had a fantastic discussion afterward. You may wish to watch it first before showing your kids.

So without further ado:

The Butterfly Circus

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"Learn From Me"

You sit there all alone, the Creator of us all.
"Come all who labor and are heavy burdened" is Your call.
Yet You sit alone in darkness, and in daylight it's the same.
There is no one greater, yet alone here You remain.
Some scattered, faithful souls come to sit alone with You,
But many don't acknowledge GOD when they are passing through.
Yet you, my Creator, still will sit here all alone--
Whispering your majesty upon this marble throne.

"Learn from me," You whisper, as I'm sitting here today,
"Learn how much I love you to be treated in this way.
If I come as King of Kings, this sight the world can't bear.
No, I'm changing hardened hearts in silence, sitting there.
Learn from me--do not demand the treatment you deserve.
Make a tabernacle in your heart and learn to serve.
And then I will not be alone, in darkness or in day,
And nor will you, my child, for I go with you on your way.
Let your actions be like mine, through tabernacle shown.
Learn from me, for I am meek and humble on this throne."

Jesus, let our hearts become an ark for You, our Lord,
And may Your meek and humble Heart forever be adored. Amen.

Mercy Mercy Mercy

Some random thoughts on suffering, mercy, forgiveness, and being flawed.

• The saints still had joy, even when being persecuted. I think this is because they didn't sit and think about how they were feeling due to someone else's action, but how the other person was feeling--even if the other person was being a jerk. This has always been hard for me, as I have been trained to think of whether I am being appreciated, or whether I am being treated right. I had a rough time with someone who is very close to me. I spent a half an hour helping this person, and when we finished, the person just walked away, still as bitter and angry as before we started. I thought, "Jesus, help me. This person is hurting me so much. I just spent this time being so kind and trying so hard, and I didn't even get to hear a thank you." Jesus smiled at me as I watched the person walk away, and I heard him say: "This is true, but hear it from me: Thank you for serving me through this person."
• This must be how the saints can do it: Jesus' thanks is worth more than the most grateful friend, and somehow it is better to serve an ungrateful person, because then we can only be doing the good thing for Jesus-since we are not repaid, even by gratitude.
• I've had a few conversations with friends this week about forgiveness, and how forgiveness is not FOR the other person. Letting it go, giving up your right to be angry, and never demanding your right to be apologized to is not something we do FOR someone else, but something for ourselves. If someone else holds the power to make me unhappy until THEY apologize or make up for what they did, I am not free! So forgiveness is really the way that I release myself from bondage to bad feeelings. "You did a terrible thing, but I forgive you."
• Mercy builds relationships, sometimes. I just said that forgiveness is for me more than it is for someone else, but really, it is also a gift to another person. When someone does something terrible and I forgive him or her, that person received a gift of mercy where he or she rightfully deserved wrath. That gift can make another person a better person, if they accept that they did something evil and have been granted mercy for it.
• Forgiveness without apology first mirrors God's relationship to us. When Jesus died on the cross, his death obtained the forgiveness of every sin that was ever committed and every sin that will ever be committed. God doesn't hold grudges. But, the same as with our relationships with each other, just because I forgive you doesn't mean that our relationship is repaired and reconcilied. In order for that to happen, especially in the case of something BIG, it is required that another person ask forgiveness and do his or her best to make up for what he or she did. But, and this is an important realization for me: my peace cannot be subject to another person's decision to be (or not to be) sorry.
• And the last thought for the day: If I cannot forgive, I cannot be forgiven. Jesus taught his disciples to pray by saying to God, Our Father: "Forgive us, as we forgive others." I know I don't deserve to be forgiven: "If you O Lord, mark iniquities, who could stand?" But I know that I do things to my friends that hurt them, even if I feel that they hurt me way more. My God has never done anything evil to me, and I can't say to him: I grant you mercy, so you must grant it to me. He deserves perfection from me, and I fail! In sheer gratitude for the mercy I have been shown, I may not demand perfection or even restitution from others... But it's so hard!!!!!!!!

Lord, give us the strength to live with forgiveness of spirit, merciful hearts, and humility, that we may live with JOY, PEACE, and HAPPINESS in our difficult lives. AMEN.

What our days sometimes are like...

We decided to take a few days off of math because Bethany has a new love: Chess. She doesn't really love playing whole games, yet, but likes playing "Capture the King" when most of Daddy's pieces are taken away. I didn't snap a picture when Daddy was playing her, but Emma took these pictures for us.

In the following picture, Mommy survived the onslaught of her King and Queen by achieving a stalemate. It was close, though!!!

Today, Bethany and Emma set up the pieces and started playing with each other. This picture was taken about 5 moves before checkmate. Bethany won.. If she keeps practicing, I think I am going to get smoked very soon.

This is a picture of my new store: "Mommy's Market." It is open on Friday afternoons and the girls can buy candy or toys or art supplies if they want to. They earn money by doing extra school work, helping out without being asked, and just by being exceptionally good family members. They don't get paid for any minimum expectations (like cleaning out the dishwasher and doing their regular schoolwork), but I give them 10 cents for the 2nd math or phonics page of the day, and 20 cents if they do a third page. I give them 10 cents for picking up without being asked, and 5 cents if I have to ask, but they do it with a good and happy heart.

When they have their items picked out, they have to fill out their own receipts and figure out if I owe them any change or if they have enough money to buy their items. I got this idea from my supervising teacher and best bud, Maureen!

So that's our life. Sometimes it's hard to think about all of the positives, because so many negatives bog us down.. As my friend over at Very Blessed Mommy says, blogs show the highlights of our lives. Sometimes it's nice to remember they are there, and sometimes it's nice to remember that we MAKE our own highlights. Sometimes I forget to do that, but today was a good day and I wanted to share it. God Bless!

De Profundis

Far deep down inside my soul,
Down to where I seldom go-
There is a longing, soft, but strong,
Hope is calling Hope along.

"Come to me, come deep inside
your inmost soul where I reside.
The love I've given, strong and true,
My Love is calling Love in you."

I'm still not sure just where to go
to find the center of my soul-
Listen soft and listen still--
Divine calling Will to will.

With stumbled steps I heed Your voice,

Approaching You, we both rejoice.

My eyes don't see, but still I know,

Light is calling light to grow.

"Fathom depths inside of you,
and find your Lord is in there, too."
From the depths I cry to Thee,
For Deep is calling deep in me.

I Am Not Above Bribery

Sure, I would admit that my children probably watch too many movies. I could probably admit that I watch too many movies.. But hey. I am not above Bribery:

Oh, you want to watch a movie? I'm going to need a report. Choose a character from the movie you want to watch and write about his virtue (what did he do that was virtuous--or good and noble?) You can work together, but you can't watch the movie until I get a report.

See? Now it's "educational." ;)

HABIB

Keith, my brother in law, has renamed my future brother-in-law, Jesse. Leah has really latched on to it, and, though she knows him to be Jesse, believes he has two names. Anywho, introducing my soon-to-be brother-in-law: HABIB.

Lady Contractor

One day, several years ago, my husband and I were in the midst of a remodel of our home (3 residences ago) and I was making yet another stop at my favorite store: the Habitat for Humanity RE-Store. I love that place, because I feel like I am such a good steward, putting someone else's mistake to good use. Anyway, I was wandering around the tile department, when a older gentleman in a contractor jacket came up to me and said, "Hey, are you that lady contractor?"

I found it pretty funny at the time, but last Friday after I spent an entire day with oil based paint and grungy clothes, I could not find enough energy (or abrasive soap) to get the paint off of my hands in time for a costume party. I was very relieved to come up with the brilliant idea of going as a Lady Contractor. So I grabbed some "tape" and a hammer, donned my grubby paint jeans and hooded sweatshirt, and I was ready.

When I arrived, I got a great response. One person was especially impressed by my attention to detail--putting splatters of white paint all over my hands. "Perfect!" one person said, "That costume is perfect for you!"

Now. Wait one second. I looked around at the other ladies at the party. Two were dressed as beauty queens, one as a butterfly (in high heels) and one as a ladybug, (and one as a very believable pregnant lady). I definitely was not going the cute angle that night, that's for sure, but does that mean that I am the perfect lady contractor!?! I could have been a beauty queen! Really!!

Ah well, if I had donned my bridesmaid's dress from my sister's wedding, two things probably would have happened: 1) I would have had to take it off again because it is too small now and 2)my "manicure" would have led to immediate disqualification from any beauty queen believability.

Perhaps I was the perfect lady contractor that night. I actually do love the work I do when I get to remodel and build. I know some wives who have really grown to love football, and maybe that is what has happened to me. My husband's love for construction and remodeling has rubbed off on me--and with our dreams of homesteading and strawbale construction still looming, perhaps it is "perfect" for us to be a contractor team. :)

The Age of Stickers and Forts

I will not always live in a house that has 1 or 2 nomadic tents/forts set up around my house at any given time.

Nor will a common sight be stickers and temporary tatoos...on my husband's hands, cheeks, and head. I count 6 stickers on me right now.. But they still have several more to go through. Surely we should ration the stickers, though I am sure that they must reproduce because I only know of one time that I ever bought them and that was 4 years ago.

Oh.. Now I have sticker earings.. So that's 8.

Legal Plunder and the Church

I just happened to find this funny/really sad. I see so many people forgetting all the pheomenal things that have been accomplished through the love and charity of people. The great "social programs" of the church--hospitals, feeding the poor, caring for the orphans--are great because they come from the heartfelt response of its people. However, when we try to do great things by taking money away from people, the heart goes out of it. That's why I think that the best laid plans of politicians and lobbyists are all ROT: they are based on a policy of legal plunder that deadens the heart of citizens to the needs of the poor and needy.

You surely can build anything you like with other people's money, provided you have a big enough army and a realistic enough threat of jail time to get them to give it to you. But, what the State does with our taxes is not nearly as impressive OR effective as what has been done, or could have been done, through our charity. But that's not the worst of it. The State's social programs are based on the secular notion that if no one makes citizens take care of one another, they won't do it. Lex credendi, lex viviendi. As we believe so we live. If we believe that people will not be charitible without the government enforcing it, then people will live that way--and they do.

The Church leaders would be wise to think harder before cooperating with HUD and accepting various grants from government social services. If we can't get the work of God done with heart money, perhaps it isn't God's work after all. Just because citizens hand over their money each year, under penalty of law, to the government, who in turn offers it in the form of a grant--does this make it free money to the Church? No. It is money that couldn't be gained through love and was taken by force. In this light, the State is NOT a benefactor, but a thief and a money launderer.

We need to take on the responsibility to the poor that our faith requires of us, but not through legal plunder. We should lower taxes and get money for the Church and the poor the right way. The HEART way.

Paying Attention

Any parent of small children knows the longing for the day when our children really start paying attention at church. So you can understand my joy when our 6 year old, (now 7), was raptly attentive when a visiting priest was giving his homily a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, ignorance can be less than bliss when you start paying attention, because she couldn't help asking: "what does that mean?" at every turn. Everytime his vocabulary got a little beyond her 1st grade level, she'd whisper her request for clarification. Imagine her delight when he got to a part she did understand:

"It doesn't matter who we are. We all have suffering. Whether it is from illness, or financial difficulties, the suffering is there. Sometimes we struggle with relationships, or even family problems..."

"MOM!" She whispered excitedly (for the few rows behind us to hear), "WE have family problems!!" To which she added in a concerned voice: "Mom, you're not supposed to laugh at church."

Free Time

So I just took a moment to stand still today, thinking, as I sometimes do. I noticed that although I was standing still, my house was still working. I realized that:

• The dryer was drying clothes
• The washer was washing bedding
• The dishwasher was cleaning up the dishes
• The stove was cooling from heating my supper
• The fridge was cooling the sauce I pre-made for supper
• The lights were on (more than need be!)
• The bathtub was draining
• The air conditioner was blowing (at least the fan was on)
• My cell phone was ringing
• AND My kids were eating ice cream that I grabbed out of the deep freeze

And I realized: I don't keep house! I run a factory of machines, a bastion of efficiency. So here I sit at my computer to wonder at the life we lead that would be totally incomprehensible to those who lived and died just 80 years ago. My great-great grandmother could have spent her WHOLE day just doing laundry and preparing meals. My great-great grandfather could have spent half of his day just getting to the field and back.

So amidst all of this humming of machinery I must ask myself: what was the meaning of life BEFORE free time and productivity? I mean, if in most of human history, people were about 1/20th as efficient as I am in 21st century America, leisure is really a modern invention, along with multi-tasking! It seems to me that many of us live for the free time, the hobbies, Facebook, favorite movies and books. We thrive on emailing, internet shopping, talking on the phone, and driving all at the same time. But what did my great, great grandparents live for? You know back when the pace was slower and more measured? I doubt the answer is laundry. What did they thrive on? Were they happy? Were they happier?

Solemn Vowel

I found the girls in the tub after watching Ballet Shoes. The soundtrack went something like this:

"We vowel... to be the sisters.... of the world."

"Vowel." "Vowel." "Vowel."

Looking forward to Aunt Kaela and Mitch, Aunt Dani & Jesse, and Cousin Heidi & Jesse making their solemn vowels soon!

So, It's been a while...

Today is a big day.. My brother in law turned 30, my sister got engaged, and I am blogging! Unfortunately, I don't have much to say.. Or maybe it is better said that I have too much to say. The double unfortunate thing is that I can't seem to organize my thoughts lately. Perhaps it is because the "hats" I'm wearing as a mom, a sister, a friend, and with my new job are leaving me without much time to think... I feel there is a lot percolating and not a lot to say.

I've actually caught myself, mid-sentence in a conversation, with no idea what I am going to say next. It's rather embarrassing. I have to pretend that I got distracted, when really I just got lost. I suppose this may be the way that God is answering my prayer to stop having to talk all of the time... When you consistently lose your stream of thought, sometimes it is better to stay on the shore!

I do have one thought to share.. Actually it is not mine, but I'm sure that the priest who told me wouldn't mind my sharing. I sometimes struggle with frustration and anger (big shock) with my children, and I find that I get it trouble when I respond to them that way. Because:

1. They get angry back.
2. They think (maybe not so coherently), "Mom's just mad because she doesn't get to do what she wants (like sit in peace) right now." When I want them to think, "I really goofed. I may not like it, but Mom is right--I need to do better."
3. I teach them that they only need to listen when I am angry. I don't stay calm and get results.

So, Father Smarty gave me the tip in confession this weekend that when I wonder if I am sinning when I discipline, I should examine NOT my feelings (angry, frustrated, etc.) when I am disciplining, but my motivation. Selfish and grudging feelings, stemming from not getting to sleep or to blog or to have a clean/quiet/perfect house (you know, not getting things my way) lead to angry parenting, where concern for the child's virtue and character and FUTURE leads to holy and far more effective parenting.

So far I've discovered that most of the time I correct my kids because their behavior is bothering me--and the focus of my discipline is to get them to stop NOW so that they stop bugging me! I guess I have a bit of work to do to change the focus of my discipline from stopping behavior to changing hearts.

That's all I have for now.. Pray for me, you guys, because it's a long/fast/crazy month I have ahead of me, and I need all the help I can get!

Grudge Not, Lest Ye Be Grudged

Last week, I happened to catch Fr. John Ricardo's radio show, "Christ is the Answer," on 1150 KWKY when he was talking about the parable of the unforgiving servant. I like that parable, mostly because we had a children's book that I used to read with the story in it, so it is very familiar to me. His meditation on this parable was incredible, and led me to some thoughts about what the Lord is asking from me when it comes to forgiveness. This post won't make much sense to you if you don't know the parable, so here it is, Matthew 18: 21-35:

Then Peter approaching asked him, "Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times. That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount [literally 10,000 talents].

Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all his property, in payment of the debt. At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.' Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.

When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount [literally 100 denarii]. He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, 'Pay back what you owe.'

Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
But he refused. Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt. Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master and reported the whole affair.

His master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?' Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt.

So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart."

Father Ricardo was giving some historical background that got my attention. A denarius (singular for denarii) was worth a day's wage, so the "unforgiving servant" was owed 100 denarii or over 3 months wages. No small amount! However, a talent was a unit that was equal to about 600 denarii, which would make the 10,000 talents equal to about 6,000,000 days' wages, or 16,438 years. If you made $40,000 a year, that would be like owing $657,532,000.

So, the debt forgiven by the Master ($657,532,000) was an unpayable debt, and the debtor's promise to repay it was as empty as they come. A slave could be sold for about 200 denarii, and even with all of the labor that the servant could give in 83 years of life, he would still fall significantly short, about 16,355 years short, of repaying the debt he owed. Jesus was making the point that his "tortures" would last forever, since the debt could not be repayed.

On the other hand, the debt that was called in by the "unforgiving servant" was not unpayable. 3 months' wages would have been a difficult debt to repay... That would be like making $40,000 a year and having some delinquent owe you $10,000. But if someone were to buckle down, he could repay it in a few years.

This parable, and Father Ricardo's meditation on it, got me thinking about Jesus' maxim: "Judge not, lest ye be judged." What is judging if it is not "Standing on your rights to proclaim, even in your heart, that someone else has done wrong he had no right to do and should repay the debt he owes and/or repair the damage he caused." This maxim is the teaching of Jesus that we are NOT to do that. We are NOT to stand on our rights, nor are we to demand repayment.

Well, it's not exactly true, we CAN stand on our rights, but it is foolish and dangerous to do so. Others may greatly harm us, hurt us, injure us, embarrass us cruelly, infringe on our space, slander us, persecute us, or even kill us, but the debt we owe is infinitely greater. While others may become indebted to us by taking and infringing on our rights, we are FINITE and our rights are limited when it comes to our fellow creatures. The debt we owe to our Creator and our King, however, is holiness and perfect obedience. He has the right to be our master because he is the only reason we even exist! The original debt of sin we have inherited, compounded by our personal sins we commit, lead us all to fall short of what we owe to God: an unpayable debt.

In this parable, the Master forgives the enormous debt owed to Him, but does He just write it off as a loss for tax purposes? We know that the Master does not write off the debt, but pays it Himself (more precisely, through His Son). This would be like being in forclosure on your house and having the banker selling himself, (taking the form of a slave) and satisfying your debt. He does not stand on his rights, and take your home, but absorbs the loss into himself and pays your mortgage for you--times ten billion.

So with such a great load of debt lifted from us, shall we be like that unforgiving servant and stand on our rights against our fellow servants? When Jesus taught us to pray the "Our Father," he taught, "Forgive us our tresspasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Very clearly he teaches that our expectation of forgiveness from God MUST be accompanied by a commitment to forgive others. None of us would ever want the Lord to stand on his rights and call in our debt... so let's grudge not, lest we be grudged!

SOLD!

News from the front: the contingency was officially removed this morning at 11am. When the Lord opens a window, sometimes he opens it WIDE. We'll close July 24th.

"What Now?"

(A Peek at My Prayer Journal)

June 4, 2009 10:04 p.m.

I have to understand that my longing for the complete and the perfect is not a bad longing, but just ultimately not satisfyable this side of death. The inbox won't be empty, I will never be able to sustain a perfect balance, and I can never clean my kitchen "once and for all."

I worked hard today--and it was a pretty good day. But I realized that my desire to achieve perfection here--in my house, in my body, even in my relationships--ultimately leaves me cold.

It's like how I wanted the college scholarship so badly--and I got it--and yet it gave me no lasting joy and plenty of heartache. 1st team All-State? I remember how surprised i was at how empty the laurels felt. I had placed my hope in achieving great things in volleyball, and I did, but even in my highest achievement there was always the aching question: "So what now?"

Now I am beginning to see how I still, more subtly, place my hopes in my achievements in this stage of my life: a well-regulated day, a clean home, good meals, healthy meals, consistent parenting, and yet I know that if, and/or when, I achieve any of it, I will only be left with that burning question: "So what now?"

When that question assaults me, I usually undo my hard work--translating the "So What Now?" into "So What?" Regressing, binging on food, yes, even drinking too much, I end up losing the ground I have gained. Like Sysiphus and the rock, I find myself at the bottom and with no other way to quench the burning hunger for fulfillment, I again put my hopes in the climb upwards.

That eternal "so what next?" belies a deeper and more painful question: "What's the point?" And while I may subconsciously wrestle with that, I feel I must not even entertain it--because finding none, I may cease to try anything at all and abandon my long and short term hopes into meaninglessness and despair.

But NOW, before the rock again rolls down the hill and I plunge again into the pit with it, I feel I must entertain the question: "What now?"

"What now?" This perpetual question. The symptom of the impermanence of our joy and achievement on earth. The need for fulfillment is perpetual in this life. I can never satisfy it. Sure, I can try to fill that need with short-term, fleeting pleasures, stringing them one after another. But the hole, the emptiness remains.

Lord, help me...

June 11, 2009 9:45 p.m.

Perhaps in some ways, I don't want my accumulated efforts to disappear into the past. I want my work to be eternal and satisfying. This crushing burden I have laid upon my shoulders is to achieve fulfillment in my minor and worldly hopes. As good as they may be, they are temporal and cannont bear the weight of eternity. Nothing that I do can.

Praised be Jesus Christ, who accomplished all things. Because He is eternal, and because He made me for eternity, I have a deep longing for eternal satisfaction. But in placing my hopes in my own accomplishments and in worldly blessings ("I'll be happy when...the house sells, I'm back in my old jeans, we're all on a good schedule, I'm on better terms with so-&-so"), I am missing the POINT, and sabotaging my own search for happiness in the Christian life!

I am not made for my own eternal accomplishments, but for membership in the Body of Christ. Sharing in His accomplishments, and giving my mite (Mk 12:42) each day in service of Him, I make my life a living sacrifice, and ignoring the accolades and realizing that I can do nothing apart from Christ, and if I accomplish anything, it is only through Him!

So, unlike poor Sysiphus whose rock rolled back to the bottom of the hill each day, I must understand that it is no rock I carry for eternity, but my daily cross!--Nay, He and I carry it together. He promised "My yoke is easy and my burden, light" Matthew 11:30. I need not bear the weight of eternity, but only of this moment. I need not be concerned with a daily routine to last the whole year long, but with today's work. TODAY, I must take up my cross and follow him.

Mother Theresa once said, "God does not ask us to be successful; He asks us to be faithful." My true and lasting hope is that I may remain faithful (Revelation 2:10). God, give me the grace to remain with you on the Vine. (John 15:4)

And thank you for taking the burden of eternity from me, accomplishing all things, and giving me a share, an inheritance, the gift of Eternal, abundant Life. How can I respond with anything less than my all?

God's Will, Revealed

So, two and a half years ago, we decided to sell our house. We knew that Matt wasn't happy at his job, and we also knew we needed some $$ for him to feel free enough to resign. Our house sold in 3 weeks. We had 60 days to decide where to go.

We settled on a 3 bedroom duplex straight out of the 70s. Then Leah was born. Then we decided that in order for Matt to know if he wanted to be a builder when he grows up, he should build a house and see if he likes it. So we did.

So then the question became: What now? We continued to save $$, trying to get that 6 month security net ready. 8 months later, and approximately 2 days after securing the 6 month saftey net we were aiming for, Matt's employer forced his hand and laid off the whole design center. A week later, the "for sale" sign went up in the snowbank.

Waiting and waiting, while Matt found odd jobs here and there, we still did not know where to go or what to do, but we had our "daily bread" and we were making ends meet. At the beginning of April, some puzzle pieces appeared to be falling into place: Bob the builder, who helped us build our house so that it wouldn't fall down in a strong breeze or leak at the seams, met with us and laid out a plan for Matt to go into business with him: building and general construction work.

The same week, I discovered an opening at our church. I met with our pastor and talked about my vision for our faith formation/religious education program, and the role that I could take in a part-time position as a Director with a part-time assistant. He seemed very receptive. He began to take steps to get the idea approved, including interviewing several other people who applied for the position. My job, again, was to wait and see.

So exactly 2 months went by, and the "plan" that we thought we could finally see again became obscured by the difficulties of waiting patiently.

Well, yesterday, the clouds parted. I was offered the job at our church, and I am just thrilled. My lovely assistant, Liz, and I will be working hard to make the Good Shepherd catechists and children a supportive and well-prepared environment to work in. I hope to attend a conference in July to help me get my ducks in a row about how to do all of the DRE stuff. I have to say that 2 months to the day (from Holy Thursday), and being day 9 of a novena to St. Joseph, and being our 8th anniversary, it was a day of gifts.

I had prayed that the Lord God would close the doors that need closing, and open the ones that lead to HIM. I pray that we will always follow HIS Will, and not ours. I pray that Matt will never again have to sit through a weekly "team meeting" and will find work that serves the Lord and is worthy of his effort and passion. Let it be done unto us according to your Will, Lord. You are so good to us.

Works for me!!

I think I will try to post "Works for me" posts every now and again, because I find them so helpful in other blogs. This week, I want to focus on a nice little idea I picked up from my sister, who picked it up from Sadie, at wildcatkids (also a friend of mine!) The idea is to get your children to get into a morning and evening routine without a whole lot of teeth-pulling difficulty and without getting too complicated thus sharing the same fate as the stickers, chore charts, and stars accumulation cards, and other such phenomena that started with a blaze of glory but ended all too quickly.
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So the girls helped me make up these little popsicle sticks with blue, green, and red tips (one color for each big girl). On each stick, I wrote one job that they need to do before getting started with our day and before going to bed at night. Here are Emma's: Once the popsicle sticks are all finished, the girls will put them colored tip UP in the glass, and then they are free to do other things (like color or go outside in the morning, or play a game of hide and seek with Mommy and Daddy at night).


I am beginning to add other jobs to the list.. Like "change loads" (of laundry) and "ez-vac the kitchen." They let me know the jobs they hate (like tidying the basement) and sometimes I give all of them the same job so that they can work together. Sometimes I'll give them "tidying the basement" and it will be mostly done and they'll get the satisfaction of last night's effort (and realize that they can stop making work for themselves if they just keep it clean!)

I would say that it's been about a year since I started this. It has phased in and out a few times, but is very simple to start up again (even when we slack off for a while).. I drew pictures on them so that the 3 year old can "read" her own. It makes for a much smoother morning, that's for sure.

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Of all the child-rearing tricks of the trade I have picked up, this one is the clear winner:

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It is child-led (because they can figure out on their own what they are to do).

It is NOT consumable (I've used the same sticks for a year).

It is NOT complicated (the hardest part was BUYING the sticks).

It is Flexible (I can change jobs whenever I want--no body gets "cleaning out the dishwasher" if it is dirty! And I can make new sticks for Leah when she's a bit bigger!)

It is NOT subjective--or at least it's harder for the child to see that it is (if the jobs are done and the colored sticks are up, you can play! It's hard for a child to have a power struggle with wooden sticks, though they may try).

It is CHEAP!

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So that's what works for me. What works for you?

Oh, I am so excited!!

I found a new blog that I just love. But first a little background. I have been spending my time lately trying to figure out how I should be spending my time. I mean, I've probably got less than 60 years left, and there are some things that I hope to have figured out by the time I check out.

One of them is "Why should I WANT to get up in the morning?" I have been struggling with that one since I turned 11. I made a deal with myself lately that 7am is MY wake up time, but I almost need to hire someone to pull me out of bed (like George Jetson) and get me going in the morning.

Another one is: How can I keep my duties as a mom, as a woman, as a volunteer, as a wife from overwhelming me? This one hit me after the thousandth marathon cleaning session that left me exhausted (and led to me taking a long break that resulted in a messy house again). Flylady.net has helped me a lot with this, but it is sometimes so hard to WANT to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not just veg out.

And the last one, loosly related to the other two: What should I be doing with my life each day? Or, since I am a MOM: What should I be doing with our lives each day? I think that perhaps my sleep addiction and even my (sometimes) chaotic life lies underneath that search for the "shoulds" and "why should 'I's" of my life.

Well, sometimes when I am really needing an answer, I ask my friend Google. This was what I got:

http://momandkiddo.blogspot.com/

subtitle: What do we do all day?

Funny thing: I noticed that this weekend I found no trouble getting out of bed after 5-1/2 hours of sleep because I had something "urgent" to do. I think that the trouble is that I need a wake up call to make me realize that this day-in, day-out, one-foot-in-front-of-the-other life that I lead is important, too...

I can take a deep breath and not worry too much because I can't ruin the girls with a bad day here or there, BUT I can't make them turn out fantastic with a wonderful day here or there, either. It's the general attitude, the daily grind, that determines my life and my character, not the super high or super low points.

That's why I like that blog (and the blogs of people I know, too)... it's simply life. I guess that's what I am searching and praying for... Abundant life, everyday.. Not just roller coaster highs and lows, but a sustained peace, joy, and fruitfulness.

It may take me 60 good years to figure that out...

For Baby Deborah...

and all of those who were never given a name...

This memorial was at the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament in Hanceville, Alabama.

Storyboarding and Bursting Bubbles

So we've been watching the Prince of Egypt like mad here at our house.. Bethany has been inspired by the movie to do another marathon art session. In her last one, she depicted the Stations of the Cross and some scenes from the Moses story. Now, after taking several still pictures of the movie with my camera phone yesterday, she spent last night and most of today (it's almost 2pm) storyboarding the movie (that's what I call it). She has made up some scenes that she thought should have been included. She's up past 30 drawings now.

This one (of course the computer was being so smart thinking it should be a portrait), was of Moses' mother when she was putting him in the basket at the river.


This was when the queen (though Beps knows it was the princess in real life) found Moses. The background (not pictured) has Ramses frowning and the nurses with surprised looks on their faces. Ramses had dropped a flower.

Our little artist in her corner. Next to her is the little art caddy I set up at the advice of my friend and supervising teacher: Give the child material to work with!

This is a made up scene with Pharoah (he always has his scepter/staff) thinking about how he felt about Moses. In one, the queen is bringing Moses to him and he is happy, and in one he is angry. Bethany said that he is changing his mind about how he feels about Moses.

I could tell Bethany that it's a very long shot to being a professional artist or animator, and that she should really buckle down and do more practical things (like math), but that isn't the way we burst bubbles at our house...

Make Me

***I had my first speaking event last Thursday, and I've spent a lot of time in the past month preparing for it. Sorry, but I used my good blog ideas for the speech so I couldn't give away my whole speech to you, my 5 devoted readers.. That said, the speaking event went very well and my speech turned out well enough to be reproduced here! Here it is, my talk entitled: MAKE ME.***
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"So, when I told my husband that I was going to be speaking to you all and needed to fill up 15 minutes, I asked him if he had any ideas. He suggested 5-10 minutes of silent reflection. I was surprised he didn't say that I should just hold a phone up to my ear, as that seems to keep me talking forever. Then I realized that with all the time I spend talking to my friends, sisters, and mom who are here tonight, I decided I just better get to the point.
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My name is Mandie D. I have 4 daughters. I just turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. I would say thinking about God stuff as it relates to our daily lives has been a hobby of mine for some time, but only recently at the request of my darling husband have I started to write it down, so I started a blog. When my mother called me to ask me to speak to you all, I already had a blog idea percolating in my head, so I knew what I wanted to talk about. I mean, I am speaking at a mother’s evening, to a room full of women who are bringing their daughters to a wine and cheese. Even if I add all of my children’s ages together, I only get 15 mothering years… Compare that to my own mother’s 131 years, I figured that I wasn’t all that qualified to just talk about motherhood here.. So instead I’m going to talk about Firemen and Monks. And although I have no experience being a fireman OR a monk, I figure none of you do either! (I promise I will make a connection to motherhood!)
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When it comes Firemen. I do have some experience. I mean, I have watched the movie Backdraft and the new one that ‘s called Fireproof. I don’t remember much about Backdraft, but Fireproof was one of those movies that has stuck in my head ever since I watched it.
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For those of you who haven’t seen it, it was a very good movie. Supposedly it was all about the marriage relationship of two people, but deep down, I think it was mostly about Caleb, the main character, struggling, like we all do, with some major flaws in himself. While Caleb was an excellent fire captain, making sure his crews were ready and prepared and responding immediately and with bravery when the alarm sounded, MAN, he was lousy when there was no “bell” in his life.
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The man couldn’t do the dishes, get groceries, sweep the floor, and he resented every request that his wife and his duty as a husband made of him. See, a fireman usually works in 1 day on, 2 days off shifts, and while he had achieved great discipline during his 24-hour shift, he was super-selfish and downright sinful with his 48 hours off. I don’t know anywhere that 33% is a passing grade... So why the big difference?
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In the realm of firefighting, Caleb had to be ready to get up and go as soon as the bell sounded. While a fireman knew that answering the call of duty may be dangerous and difficult, he also knew that NOT answering the call would be far worse. The truck must always be ready, you can’t waste time, because someone’s life could be at stake. It was urgent, it was understood. This was his duty as a fireman. But when he was at home, away from the great discipline of the bell, his life was a mess.
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Now towards the end of the movie, Caleb seemed to be getting the other 66% of his life in order, and we saw a great sequence with him doing his duty in the fire station. In that scene, Caleb was coming back from a long day fighting fires and he was obviously tired, he had taken his helmet and jacket off when the alarm went off again. There was not even a second of hesitation. He pulled his suspender over his shoulder and off he went again.
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For some reason, for Caleb, as well as in my own life, it is difficult to treat our daily duties with the same determination and energy that the fireman does. When I smell the diaper, I do that thing where I pretend that my nose isn't working (while my husband pretends the same thing) and we wait until one of us "breaks." When children are fighting, I get angry because it means my phone call is interrupted. When a child talks back to me and stomps away, I consider whether I could let them get away with it just to save me the time and hassle of following through. There has been more than one morning in which I held the covers over my head and tried to direct a 3 year old as to where she could get her own cereal and milk. For a fireman, there is no question. Whether they were sweeping the floor, sleeping in bed, prepping the truck, or playing cards, they jump up with determination in their faces that they are going to do their duty. We need a discipline outside of ourselves to do the work that makes us holy. Left to ourselves, well.. it isn’t pretty.
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That fire fighting scene changed my life. I knew that I wanted that kind of dedication in my life, and that kind of attitude toward my duty.
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It kind of reminded me of an article I had read a couple of years prior. I was in one of the darkest mommy moments in my life. The constant NEED of 3 small children, and pressures of my life, looking at the state of my soul and wondering if perhaps I should have become a hermit instead of a mommy and wife..
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About this time, a friend sent me an article about monks. Actually it was about a hermit named Carlo Carretti. He had spent over 10 years in the desert living on goat's milk, translating the bible into Bedouin, praying in his own perpetual adoration to the Blessed Sacrament.. Super hard-core, holy guy. Interestingly, when he returned to Italy to visit his family, he found his mother to be more contemplative than he was.
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Carretto was a smart enough guy to realize that HIS time in the desert had not been wasted, but that his mother had also done something amazing with HER time. She used her 30 years of mothering to develop holiness in her life…living in her own kind of desert and her own kind of monastery.
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So a mom’s life is like a monastery? I had a little trouble seeing how my life had any resemblance to the monastic. I mean, if we look at the life of a monk (especially a hermit!) it can be kind of hard to see how a man who gives up everything for a life of poverty, spends most of his time in silence, alone, and praying, can be much like me. I mean, I don’t get 5 minutes in the bathroom without fingers under the door. In fact, I think if I were Carretto’s mother, I would have been begging for some time alone, with or without the goat. My picture of a monk was someone who got to pray when they wanted, eat what and when they wanted, sleep without crying babies waking them up, and never again having to worry about what to wear to an “Evening for Mothers” for example, I’d have my simple black dress for every occasion!
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But you know what? Monks don’t get to do what they want, when they want. Sure they might have tried it for a while, but the great monastic fathers, including St. Bernard who was declared a doctor of the church, were great advocates of the discipline of the monastic bell. This bell would tell the monks when it was time to wake, eat, pray, work, play, & sleep.
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Bernard didn’t believe that doing what you want when you want was how holiness was to be found. While these men gave up everything they owned to become monks, St. Bernard and St. Benedict, and monastic fathers throughout history have asked for more: they asked the monk to relinquish control of his time.
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Now while Caretto’s mother did not have a monastic bell telling her what to do, she was constantly answering the needs of her family, from preparing meals, to cleaning messes, to holding babies, to kissing owies… Those were her bells.
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The only thing is, for me, 2 years ago, in that darkest of mommy moments when I reflected on the 5-1/2 years straight that I had been pregnant or nursing, I realized that I didn’t want to answer the bell anymore. I’d fallen into a deep resentment of the duties of my vocation. Those same duties of motherhood that made Carretto’s mother so holy, well, they had me looking less like a monk and more like oh, I don’t know... the Incredible Hulk.
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Whether I liked it or not, I had to admit that the Incredible Hulk did not have a very probable likelihood of raising happy, faithful, and loving children. If I wanted my children, my husband, my family, and ME to be the people God created us to be, I had figure out how to let these bells make me holy.
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By nature we don’t seek the best thing, not even the thing that will make us happiest, but usually whatever thing gives us the most pleasure at that moment. And although I secretly insist to myself that if only I had it MY way, things would be so much better, I know deep down that these bells are not an obstacle to my holiness, but perhaps the very means by which God is perfecting me.
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Left to myself I would be lazier and crankier, and Incredible Hulkier. Somehow I NEED those interruptions and those inconveniences to teach me the virtues that I lack. I just need to tune my ears like Carretto’s mother did to hear in the simple duties of my life the ringing of the call to duty: the monastic bell, calling me to remember that it is God’s time, not mine. And like Captain Caleb Holt I need to approach my whole life with the fireman’s discipline, ready to serve when I am called, putting on not a protective suit, but the full armor of God to preserve me from resentment and sluggish responses to God’s signified will in my life. A fireman never goes into a fire without his suit or he will get burned, and we must remember that if we spend too much time answering our “fire calls” without putting on the armor of God, we too will face mommy burnout.

(This is where I donned the fireman's helmet and opened my Bible.)

“Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power.
Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens.

Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground. So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace.

In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all (the) flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit.” Ephesians 6:10-13 or 18

So, my ladies, we may not hear the monastic bell or a fire alarm pointing out to us what God wants for our lives, But we can learn to pay attention to the different sounds of the bells in our lives. Maybe it sounds like the baby crying, or the 4 year old. Maybe it will sounds more like your fancy dish shattering on the floor, or perhaps the bell will be completely silent and sad, or very wet with tears. It could even sound like the Iowa Fight Song, at least that’s what my mom hears when one of us calls her cell phone. Regardless of the sound (or smell) of the bell, we must choose to allow it to make us holy by offering God our willingness to have Him make us who HE made us to be. Our prayer must everyday be: I know that I can’t (and won’t) do it myself, so go ahead Lord, Make me… holy."
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Food, Glorious Food

Here is a post I will dedicate to that wonderful, life-sustaining, family-building, perpetual mess-making part of being a human being. Food. It's one of the many aspects of motherhood that resembles stringing beads on a string without a knot at the end.. You can never eat, or clean the kitchen for that matter, "once and for all." But, while it is a fact of life that you have to deal with food everyday, it remains in the realm of personal freedom as to HOW you deal.

Meals are beneficial for health and energy and family relations if they are done well, but food can also take over your life if it isn't in balance. This can show up by eating too much, or not enough (eating disorders), or becoming obsessed with "the best" or "health" or "gourmet" or "savings" or "organic" or whatever(!) to the point where food isn't serving your needs, making you able to serve God and your family, but is taking you away from it.

My best efforts at getting food under control in our life have resulted in a pretty stable, low maintenance way of cooking and saving money (we're able to keep our food bill down below $300 per month for 6 eaters almost every month). I didn't realize that this was all that spectacular of a feat until reading The Tightwad Gazette a few years ago and discovering that we spend slightly more per month than the average family our size spends per week. So how do we do it?

Three things:

1: Beans.

Oh yes, and rice. These are fantastic staples to use, and if you buy a big old 15lb bag of basmati rice, a 25lb bag of dry pinto beans, bulk taco and cajun seasoning, AND 10lbs of onions, it will be months before you can truly say there is nothing to eat in the house. I soak 4lbs of beans at a time overnight, then rinse and cook on high for 30 minutes then low for 4 hours in the morning, OR in a crockpot (or two) for a good portion of the day, adding garlic and onion (and salt at the end to taste). Then I freeze meal-size portions in individual baggies (gallon size) for use whenever I feel like it.. I really like black beans, too.

Here are 2 bean recipes that are so stinkin' easy and good that it's almost embarrasing to post them:

Chalupas

pinto beans cooked as described above--add some cajun or taco seasoning to taste..
a little mozzarella (or whatever)
sour cream
tortillas
salsa or pico de gallo for grownups (I used a can of diced tomatos, 1/2 an onion, and 4 small sweet peppers (red, orange, yellow), food processed up and added some salt and cajun seasoning)

Assemble as desired. Eat.

Black Bean Yummyness

black beans cooked as described above--add some cajun or taco seasoning or garlic
1 cup of some mixture of sour cream and/or plain yogurt
can of diced tomatos or some salsa
shredded cheese
salt (essential)
blue corn organic tortilla chips (or tortillas or regular tortilla chips)

Variations:
make up 1 or 2 cups of basmati rice (1c dry rice, rinsed, 1.5 c water, microwave 10m on high, 5m on medium) and mix it in to eat BBY without chips or tortillas..

Add torn up tortillas to the mix, put in 9x13 pan, cover with shredded cheese (I like cheese) and bake until bubbly.

Add leftover spaghetti sauce and rice and mozzarella for a different taste. You can add corn, etc., too!

2: Leftovers

Creative and purposeful use of leftovers can save you tons and tons of $$ and time. Sometimes you don't NEED a whole bottle of spaghetti sauce for a recipe, or you have leftover pizza sauce (easy mix of tomato paste, tomato sauce, sugar, oregano, and garlic)... Now, remember you have these things and USE them. This goes for meat as well. I often brown meat and save back 1/2 pound to add to a casserole the next day. I especially do this with bulk sausage. I try to limit the amount of meat I add to things, and make up for it with veggies or rice or something. Regardless of $$ savings, I think it is better for us to load up on healthier stuff rather than just meat (I try to food process carrots or onions or peppers in just about everything--not much taste impact, but I add it at the end so that all the nutrients aren't cooked out).

3: Measure twice, Shop once.

Weekly shopping trips are expensive. The fewer trips you make, the cheaper it is. Living in a small town, I don't have a Hy-Vee around the corner, (and 4 kids at the store is, well, not appealing) so I HAVE to make the food I have in house work. I've found that if I make a concentrated effort to lengthen the amount of time between trips, I can get a lot more meals out of the pantry, more hair washes out of the shampoo (I might have to use the yucky-smelling-whoops-buy shampoo, but that's okay!), and pull out the cloth diapers that I don't use simply because I'm lazy, than if I just automatically make a full-boar shopping trip because I am out of something. If someone has to stop, I try to get my husband to do it, because he doesn't know a deal when he sees one and isn't tempted to impulse shop. I make one $200 grocery trip per month (roughly) and then use the remaining $50-$100 to make milk/eggs/toilet paper stops, and to stock up every 2 or 3 months on frozen meat (chicken, tilapia, ground turkey, and my favorite: $1 farmland sausage rolls).

Avoiding the shopping trips ALSO avoids the most perilous money sucking hole known to woman (and man): Iwantititis. Most everything we could possibly need most of us already have. While I can see the financial value in perusing ads for good deals and coupons, knowing what I am missing steals the peace that I find in simplicity and gets me longing for the complicated life of rebates and coupons, automatic-spraying air fresheners (man is it hard to go back!) and other consumables that bring me to the store time and again for a refill. I bought 4 gallons of vinegar 3 years ago, and for the most part I don't buy cleaning supplies--which is a billion dollar industry focused on getting you to buy refill wands, pads, cloths, sponges, et.al.! (I even use the yucky-smelling-whoops-buy shampoo to clean the toilet--credit to Flylady.net on that one).

So there is a quick window into the world of Mandie. Speaking of windows, if you do use vinegar to clean your windows, add a 1/2 tsp or so of regular hand soap to the mix of water and vinegar (3T vinegar to 2c water) to get your windows nice and shiny. ;)

May God Bless You All!!!

I had Lots of Blog ideas

until I sat down to write.. Although it's the first time in a while that I posted WITHOUT my friendly neighborhood blog reader reminding ME to update my blog.

Short little update on our life:

I have applied for a job...working at our church part-time and running the RE program. Looks like there is a good shot that I could get it (with a part-time assistant), but the official interview process still needs to be held.

This is an interesting development in many, many ways.

1: Matt has a great opportunity to work with a local builder friend and build a business (without a major outlay for tools, etc).

2: A part-time job would be a safety net each month that will give us steady income. We figure if someone has to get a part time job, we might as well serve the Lord with it.

3: It means really laying down some roots. If we were to sell our house, we will move so that we are much closer to church (currently we're 25 minutes). This year I will set a record for belonging to All Saints longer than any other single parish in my life. 6 years.

4: Matt, as a self-employed, set-his-own-hours guy, will be able to be home with the girls on Wednesdays in the afternoons and evening while I am off working, as well as Tuesday afternoons. We will still be able to homeschool, the girls get to be with their daddy more, and Matt gets to work for himself for a while without the stress of providing for our whole budget from scratch. PLUS: I was doing too much of this stuff in a volunteer capacity already, so it wouldn't be THAT much more time away! Oh, and maybe Matt will learn to cook!

We'll see what happens... It's just funny because in the middle of March I said to Matt:
"You know, we have been looking and looking for God's plan for us, and I just get the feeling it isn't ready yet. Something needs to fall into place. We don't need to rack our brains... when it happens, we'll know." In the next few weeks, the above events transpired (including the business opportunity for Matt and the announcement that our DRE is not returning next year) and we're sitting here in awe wondering: Is this IT?

So that is our life... Hope yours is going well.. Please pray for Lois Wilson, Matt's grandma, who passed away on Wednesday... and for Matt's family.

Song of Farewell

May the choirs of angels

Come to greet you.

May they speed you to Paradise.

May the Lord enfold you

In His Mercy.

May He grant you Eternal Life.

The Garden of the Freedom of God's Children

Ok, so it isn't my first craft ever, but it's my first once since getting inspired by a friend's blog (and a nice long conversation!) This one got a nice organic start, as in it grew out of my brain. (Though I got the garden idea from that same friend!)

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I had spent a lot of time thinking about how we as parents are really just fence builders. Why is that? Well, when they enter this world, children seem to struggle with the idea of freedom and license. You know, they think that they should be able to do anything they want, including scream in church, not ever go to bed, call dad a "stupid-head," eat an entire 16oz box of raisins (that they snuck out of the cupboard), and in general get whatever they want at all times with no consequences.

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Whe-he-hell... NO. That's not exactly how it works. That is called license, and sometimes there are very painful and uncomfortable consequences to living life that way (especially with the raisins). I want my children to live in freedom, most importantly freedom from self-inflicted pain due to selfishness, sin, pride, anger, hate, and gluttony. Despite KNOWING this in my head, I have struggled to figure out how to explain that to a logic-less toddler or a willful six year old who says to me, "Mom, if there is a fence to the garden, then we really aren't free."

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So, I explained to them last night, it IS like a garden. You guys are in the garden of the Freedom of God's Children. It's very large and very beautiful. It contains things like LOVE and happiness, and peace and joy. But there are dangerous traps that look alluring, traps like disobeying, hurtful words, lying, stealing, and the like. But these traps will close behind you and take right in as a prisoner. If this does happen, and it does happen, you can never escape by your own power, but if you are truly sorry and ask Jesus to forgive you, He will forgive and release you from the trap.

But it is not fun to fall into these traps, and God never wants us to sin, so Mommy and Daddy put up fences around the garden for you so that you know where it is safe to go and where it is not (and sometimes if you get close to a dangerous spot you might get a swat on the rear to remind you to stay away!)

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We know where to put these fences because of God's natural law, and because of his revealed law. We talked about the Ten Commandments as the fenceposts of the garden, and when we made our gardens we made these fenceposts beautiful because the law of the Lord is sweet and more precious than gold, because it keeps me walking in the LIGHT and away from the slavery of sin.

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Today, the oldest two and I made gardens. I have a catalogue from a seed company that was perfect for different pictures of flowers. So here's mine:

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I have 10 Fenceposts for the Ten Commandments, as well as a dark, murky, mysterious place around the outside that disguises the chains and slavery of sin. The Greatest Commandment in the center: "Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. (and the second) And Love your neighbor as yourself."

In this lies the Freedom of God's Children.

Bethany made a beautiful garden, with a waterfall down the middle, and it's opposite, which she imagined would be like a desert. She found a flower she didn't like and glued it on the other side of her garden.

those are "angry clouds"

Emma's garden also had a waterfall (that would be why there is a space in the middle of

Fre edom).
Emma also had the angry clouds on the other side.. Oh and a Dragon for good measure.


So that was my craft day. Nothing too crazy difficult. We used glue and scissors, though, so it is like a level 4 difficulty for me. I was just happy to share this truth with my girls and maybe give them a glimmer into how God is not "mean" when he says no, and while mommy and daddy may get frustrated when you test the limits, we really love you more than anything and just want you to be truly happy: happy with the Freedom of God's Children.

Dear Mr. President

So I found this video and really, really, really liked it.

My Bethany, 6 years old, watched this with me. After we finished watching it, we had the following conversation:

"Mom, governments are supposed to protect people, right?"
"Yes." I said.
"Then why doesn't President Obama protect people?"
I had some idea where this was going, but said, "What do you mean?"
"He doesn't protect the babies... Why doesn't he do what he is supposed to?"
"Well, it is because he doesn't believe that really tiny babies should be protected, but that they are like the "property" of the mommies or the doctors, and they can decide what to do with the babies."
Thoughtfully, she asked, "Why don't you tell him, Mommy? Tell him that they are people, but they just need a place to grow?"
"Well, I think that plenty of people have tried, sweetie. And it would be very hard for him to change his mind now because lots of people would be very angry because they think the same way he does and voted for him for that reason."
She didn't give up, "But if more people tell him, wouldn't he change his mind?"
I suggested that she could write him a letter if she wanted, but this scared her...
"What if they come and take me away?"
"I don't think that would happen, and anyway, I wouldn't let them."
"But what if they take you away?"
"Well, I think if they take me away, they'll have a lot of trouble on their hands because we have a lot of people who would stand up for us... Honey, if you think you need to write a letter, you should pray for the courage to do it.. I'm not going to make you write it."
"Okay, Mommy."

A little later, she took me by the hand into the "den" and dictated this letter to me--I did not help her.

"Dear President Obama,

This is Bethany. I am six years old. I want to tell you to change your heart. These babies are people. They just need a place for them to grow into a wonderful person. I used to be a baby so tiny that you couldn't even see me. Then I was born out of my mommy's tummy. And now, I grew up into a six year old. Can you please stop paying people to kill these babies?

Thank you,
Bethany"

Thank YOU, Bethany.

So Close

Well, we did fill one apartment, and have an application out for another one, but alas, the trip to St. Louis was not to be. Still, we had a lovely weekend. Friday was good: got to catch up with a good friend during a playdate a BK (woohoo Big Fish!), signed a lease (in a van with 5 kids), picked out vinyl and carpet (for another apartment), ate at the fish fry with Matt, and a late tp stop at Walmart (all with 4 kids in tow).

Matt was siding a house on Saturday (you know, when it snowed), so I spent most of the day going stir crazy and listening to questions like:

"Mommy, what day is it?"
"Saturday."
"Then why isn't Daddy home? You know, the song: 'Saturday, Daddy's Home'?"

Yes, I made up a song with those words in it. We are all happy when Daddy's home! But these days we are earning our Sunday rest. :)

So the evening was spent watching 10 episodes of The Office via Netflix. I say highlight because it was not the best day, but you know how they say you can have too much of a good thing, well... sometimes it takes you some time to realize that you had too much of a bad thing... we realized that we kept watching it because it WASN'T satisfying..That we were much happier at the beginning of the show (I like the song) than at the end... you just think--"This has got to come to a plot resolution sometime, doesn't it???"--Well, long before any resolved plot, I got sick of that. I can handle stupid humor, but I think that stupid sex humor is really not funny. I also think that desecrating it through stupid sexual situations is even worse. My rule of thumb is, if you can't film the show without objectively sinning, I can't watch it without subjectively sinning. 21 minutes of "ha" isn't worth collateral damage to my soul. But hey, Duma was good.

*Whew*

So, Sunday was nice.. We went to church in Madrid so we could drop off an application to a prospective tenant and we had really well behaved kids.. We tried to get donuts for them at Git 'N Go, but turns out you can't "git" donuts there. So we came home and Mommy made apple fritters and scrambled eggs... I had purchased 30 lbs of organic apples and some were rotting in spots, so I cut out the yuck, cored them and sliced them in my new favorite appliance: my KitchenAid food processor (Thank you birthday club!) I mixed them with a little flour and cinnamon and sugar and froze them until needed.. Of course, I needed all 4 bags that I froze last Monday.. 3 of them for these amazing apple fritters which I've made 2x.

In the afternoon we went on a pilgrimage to Gilbert, IA to Sts. Peter and Paul Catholic Church to fulfill the requirements for obtaining a plenary indulgence in the year of St. Paul. We did not partake in the real part of the pilgrimage, the 12 mile walk from St. Thomas in Ames carrying a 200 lb wooden cross, but it was cool watching the college students come in right at 3pm, knowing what they had been through to get there. I had a beautiful chance to receive the sacrament of Reconciliation with a wonderful and holy priest. It was so cool because before the priests went into the confessionals, they knelt at the altar and confessed to each other! I've never seen a priest give absolution to another priest before. It was a true show of humility.

So, finishing off with leftover night and kissing and blessing our girls good night, it was a good weekend. I mean, it was a great weekend. I am truly blessed to have the family I do and even more blessed to be the child of God that I am.

1/2 way there!!

So we made a little deal with God.. Well, sort of..

I am told by those great spiritual writers of history that the secret to peace is not to want anything too much that its loss will cause great sorrow. So with that in mind, here is our deal.

Matt and I have been bowled over by the common sense and truth of a certain constitutionalist named Ron Paul. We wouldn't give him the time of day until some friends we really trusted suggested we take a close look. We read The Revolution and started reading Mises.org to find out what is REALLY going on with our economy.

Well, next week, Campaign for Liberty, a grassroots group devoted to Ron's ideals of freedom, peace, and economic liberty, is having a regional conference in St. Louis and boy do we want to go. Not only is the incomparable Ron Paul speaking, there will also be a man named Thomas E. Woods who is a regular contributor at Mises.org and who also wrote a book called How the Church Built Western Civilzation.

So we this is right up our alley! But there is that pesky income problem.. So the deal is: we have to fill 2 apartments at Madrid before we can go. This would be a significant sign since we've had 3 empty for a year and we have a week until the conference. But today we filled ONE!!!! YAY! Our hearts are heavy for other reasons, though, because Matt's grandma isn't doing very well, and unless she improves we can't make any reservations in STL at this time. So our deal isn't so much a deal as a request for a sign and a way.. If we don't get to go, we don't get to go.. this could be a great event in our lives, but if it is truly meant to be, God will make it happen so we can truly say, Que Sera Sera.

Enscuela de Capitalism

So, we had a pretty capitalistic day in our little homeschool today. The math lesson (in the math book--I take back some of what I have said about textbooks) was to organize empty food boxes and cans into what aisles they would be placed in a grocery store. Luckily, their aunt Kelly got them a BUNCH of play food stuffs.. So they spent much of the morning sorting....

And shelving....

And pricing...

My favorite was the freezer section (Bethany came up with the idea of using the french doors):

That's pizza and ice cream in there..

Bethany lasted longer than Ms. Emma, so Bethany determined that the store should be called "Bethany's." Emma decided she'd rather be a customer, anyway, so she went back to her "time test" that took her most of the morning..

Probably because her answers looked like this:

Madeleine was busy with the "tiny beads" a work that the kids do everyday.. You're suppose to iron it and they stick together, but this is a gift from 2 years ago from aunt Kelly (not favorite aunt Kelly (LOL), the other one). This pic is from a work Emma is doing right now, but this morning Madeleine showed us her design which she said was a garden.. :)

Little Leah is still sick and is taking a long nap.. Poor baby. She hasn't puked since last night, thank goodness. Hopefully she'll eat something when she wakes up.

So that is our day.. Daddy just left for work. He is going to put up siding at Bob's new construction house all week from 1-8 each day. Not quite full time, but hopefully we get some good leads soon!

Incredible Family

So my sweet girls have a real love for the movie, The Incredibles. If you haven't seen it, you have to get it.. It's just awesome.

This would be them acting out a scene from the movie in their "Incredibles costumes." There are only 3 kids in the Incredible family, so they made up a part for Madeleine, a "super" named Ada. Ada can fly, run really fast, go invisible, and her head won't fall off if you try to cut it off. I guess they had to throw in some pretty awesome powers if Madeleine was going to go for it. Leah is "Jack Jack" and just for kicks the girls threw in a baby doll named Gino (short for Eugenio). I am Elasti-girl, and with 5 super kids (including Violet, Dash, Ada, Jack-Jack, and Gino) I need those powers. Daddy is Mr. Incredible, and he digs that name, too. He is a pretty incredible guy, anyhow.

What's Up.

I realized that some of you might wonder what's going on with us since we are kind of in limboland. Well, we're doing very well! Matt is working hard this week at our apartment "complex." We've known for a while that it needed some work. I went two weeks ago to surprise him by painting the apartment where we needed to redo the flooring--took all four girls for two days! That was kind of fun, because as he left to go down to my uncle's house to work for him, I smiled in my pjs and then ran to get everyone ready to leave in 20 minutes!

Note the lovely carpet and the princess castle... Leah spent a lot of time in the stroller!

The gold is the new color, though the blue was difficult to eradicate completely!

Matt's work has been to lay the new flooring: brazillian cherry lock n' seal laminate from Sam's Club. He did most of it in 2 days!

Home news: We listed our house on the MLS today through a flat fee broker... So we can sell our house for just a buyer's commission, but we still get to be on realtor.com. It may take a couple of days to get on realtor.com, but we're excited to see!

Matt has a job lead right now, and we're waiting on an interview.. We've talked about the trade offs that we have to work through in life: especially security and freedom. He is free right now to go and work on our rental property and on Bernie's and Curly's and our friends' place in State Center. He can trade work for beef and be his own boss while he is learning and perfecting a trade, but we don't have the security of a fat paycheck, or even a regular one. But after 2 months of freedom (while still getting paid for the jobs he does), it will be difficult to put the yoke back on to provide more security for our family. I am supportive of his desires, mostly because I know he is an eminently reasonable and rational guy and he'll find the balance he's comfortable with... I probably have more of a risk tolerance than most people. ;)

I guess time will tell. Right now it seems that the "plan" isn't quite ready, or God would have revealed it. We are more than taken care of, and haven't even drawn unemployment yet. The message right now, though, seems to be "wait patiently." Although somedays we get antsy, we're both pretty at peace with the limbo for now.. Really it's more like purgatory because we are confident that things are going to work out as soon as the waiting is over. :)